Yes, sometimes your friend Trunk can be a very easy man to please. The mere act of laying out a fantastic fart can brighten up my day and make even a lousy day seem bearable. Here are just a few of my favorite farts.
Bare Assed Shower Fart- This one got me started on the right foot this morning. Have you had a rough night with little sleep? Is the shower being used just to wake you up? Enjoy a nice bare assed shower fart. These are just spectacular because of a few things. First, there is no smell, you are covered in soap and running water, it is a pure auditory pleasure. Second, you have no skidmark fears, you are bare assed after all, if it is truly horrible, you just wash your asshole again. Finally, the noise is made better by the acoustics of the bathroom. My fart this morning was so epic that two ducks tried to get in my window and fuck me when they heard the sound. It was simply lovely.
Crowd Farts- In some strange way, I’m sure this is how a terrorist bomber feels. Leave a surprise in a crowd, walk away and watch the terror. Of course, my own personal chemical weapon is far less dangerous, but the reactions are mostly the same.
The Sex Fart- This is a fart that shouldn’t be nearly as funny as it is. Sex is filled with hilarious sounds, thwaping, squishing, squeaking and screaming. Yet when you are really going at it and one of you farts, it is simply hilarious. This could also be because one of you is probably going to feel that Santa Ana wind on your leg.
The Plane Fart- Planes basically hold in every fart that has been fired off in them for 20 years running. Every time someone moves, fart residue wafts up. It doesn’t help that all airport food seems to be some play on Mexican food or Cinnabons. It is even better when you have an entire row to yourself, you can simply fire them off one after the other and no one says a word. Last week I nearly set a carpeted airplane wall on fire.
There are plenty more great farts to put a smile on your face, so leave your favorites in the comments.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Happy Times: Farts
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11 comments:
That duck line damn near killed me.
::takes a brief bow::
My personal fave would have to be "Breakfast in Bed" because even though I might fart in my sleep the gatekeeper's off duty (doody hur hur) til the eyes pop open. It's truly a joy to wake up, turn so my ass is positioned near my girlfriend's tits and release a staccato blast of last night's beer wind.
I had one of those "I'm comin' out no matter how tight you clench your ass cheeks" right when some chick was blowing me. It was one of the foulest smelling farts ever and she was at ground zero. I think it helped that we were shit hammered drunk because she kept blowing me, after she looked up at me with complete disgust of course. That was sweet.
ah the best are the empty elevators, i'm on the top floor so if i get off there and no one's getting on i let one loose and down the elevator goes, carrying my noxious payload to some poor fool(s)
I sent this to my girlfriend. I'm sure she'll have some say in the matter.
She fell asleep next to me on an airplane and I woke her up with an SBD. Hilarity ensued.
And my shower harmonics are the things of legend.
That fart smelled worse than your grandma we were on our way to see.
I second Bambi's thoughts...nothing better then leaving one on the elevator when I get off..I love looking at the peoples' faces knowing what they don't..iminent doom
I think the worst smelling are when you let loose in the bathtub and the fart comes from out of the water. Those are always bad.
Drawing on my own experience...
Farting during sex = funny!*
Farting during sex and a "little extra" comes out = totally fucking hilarious**
*unless you're puttin' the stones to some totally humorless cunt. In that case, just pull out and finish in her eye.
**unless it happens to you.
My favorites are the really high-pitched "Tweety farts". One time I busted one of those out and it seriously sounded like my ass asked a question-- it had an even higher-pitched lilt at the end.
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